Ice in my Veins, Blood in my Eyes
by tunathetuba
Summary: Shigaraki hummed a mocking tune and his shoes scuffed the ground as he approached the beaten and bloody Eraserhead. "You really are something, huh? Too bad you have to die." Full summary inside.
1. Summary

Shigaraki hummed a mocking tune and his shoes scuffed the ground as he approached the beaten and bloody Eraserhead. "You really are something, huh? Too bad you have to die."

He opened his mouth to tell the students to _RUN! Stay away from the plaza! You're too young to die so go!_ but the beast gripped his head again and he could only start the first word before the gray of the ground rushed to meet him.

_'I'm sorry, 'Zashi. I promised to be there until the end, but I couldn't. I love you. love you so damn mu--'_

After Shouta died at the hands of the noumu during the USJ attack, Hizashi took his late husband's place as 1-A's homeroom teacher. He wasn't sure if he could do it, but he could sure as hell try for his sake.

It wasn't fair. Izuku knew that life was never fair, but his teacher murdered within a month of knowing him? The only teacher that ever showed any care for him? That crossed the line even for life. And he sure as hell wasn't going to let life get away with it. Hell no.

"I am bookmarking this and following it every step and chapter of the way. BRING ON THE ANGST CAUSE I DON'T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY T.T" - phAnt0mgh0st7018 on Ao3

"Wow [...] this is interesting, I'm looking forward to reading more! It's nice to read your writing, it's clear and structured nicely :D" - Mana_Anni on Ao3

"I know I wrote the prompt, but you hurt me." - Momma on Ao3


	2. Prologue

_Mama put my guns in the ground_

_I can't shoot them anymore_

_That cold black cloud is comin' down_

_Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door_

\- Knockin' On Heaven's Door by Guns n Roses

* * *

Shigaraki calloused hand wrapped around his elbow. "Damn," he rasped, "Don't push yourself, Eraserhead."

Gray sprouted on the dark jumpsuit like a sakura blossom. The fabric, skin, and muscle flaked away. The underground hero gritted his teeth and slammed his foot onto the villain's, kicking away into the air. He landed and his arm tensed as he touched the ground. The exposed muscle throbbed.

Unfortunately, there was no time to rest. A buff man with a mask similar to Gunhead's charged with a strong left punch, a maw of teeth snapping on his hand. His quirk resembled Deidasomething from That Anime That Shall Never Be Spoken Of. He pivoted and deflected another pair of villains, who fell but stumbled to their feet within seconds. The trio of thugs surrounded him and he cursed under his breath, narrowing his dark eyes.

"Isn't this different from your usual job?" Shigaraki said from nearby. Eraserhead could hear the childish smirk in his voice. "Out of your league?" League. Ha. Who knew villains made puns.

An alienesque person lunged and promptly got trapped in his pale capture weapon. In the meantime, Gunhead's doppelganger and his pals closed in. His veins pulsed with the heat of battle as he shifted his stance. They wore smirks and raised their fists, jumping and aiming for his head. In a flurry of kicks and punches, they were knocked unconscious. He overestimated them. He rose to his feet and glared at Shigaraki through his goggles.

"By the way, hero," he said, "I'm not the final boss."

_Thump_. Eraserhead craned his neck to behold a…what was it? It was a huge, dark monster, that's what. Its wicked yellow beak cracked open to reveal a set of sharp canines and a long slithering tongue, not unlike Venom.

Oh god.

He was facing a beast. God help him or he was fucked.

He activated his quirk, despite the nagging feeling that it wouldn't make a difference. The beast raised a thick hand and brought it down to his face. Pain exploded around him and washed everything in a crimson waterfall. He hardly registered his goggles clattering nearby. The ground shook and his capture weapon hissed as he raised it. But it would do nothing for the inhumanly strong hand that shoved him onto the cement, nor the painful weight that settled on his lower back. 'Zashi's voice whispered that he would've loved it had it been him. Fucker was right.

Meaty fingers dug into the exposed muscle on his arm and he bit his lip. His students couldn't see him show weakness. They couldn't.

His arm bent backwards like a measly twig and blood spurted from his cracked lips. His head shrunk in on itself like Thirteen's black hole and he prayed, prayed that it would end with him and not the kids.

Then the…the beast grabbed his other arm and snapped it the same. Tears rolled down his cheeks, catching in his rough stubble, and he felt hard bone jutting out of his skin. His lip was a soggy, bloody mess, unable to be chewed up any longer. He bit his tongue. Warm wetness filled his mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut, black spots swimming beneath his eyelids.

The beast seized him, yanking his hair and pulling him up and his neck cracked sharply. He stared through a red haze in the direction of dull water. It was water, right? Warm, thick liquid down his face and mingled with the salty tears. He could vaguely see Shigaraki moving towards three child-sized shapes.

The students. His students.

He glared at the Shigaraki-shape and his eyes warmed familiarly with his quirk. Asui-shoujo croaked, he could hear the pure terror. At least she wasn't dead. The warmth in his eyes quickly became burning and hot tears filled his already blurry sight.

Shigaraki hummed a mocking tune and his shoes scuffed the ground as he approached the beaten and bloody Eraserhead. "You really are something, huh? Too bad you have to die."

Eraserhead opened his mouth to tell the students to _RUN! Stay away from the plaza! You're too young to die so go!_ but the beast gripped his head again and he could only start the first word before the rough of the ground rushed to meet him.

_I'm sorry, 'Zashi. I promised to be there until the end, but I couldn't. I love you. I love you so damn mu--_

* * *

**A/N: **Hi guys! I'm here with an actual multi-chap fic :3

I'm sorry for killing you by killing Shouta. Nobody deserves it but uhhhh *has no excuses*

Deal with it and keep reading ig!

Thanks to Mythical_Song_Wolf on Ao3 for reading this over for me. The rest of the Xult found it too sad heh

Reviews make my day (I'm not kiddin' around here) so don't hesitate! Even it's simply a crying emoji. I don't care if it's literate or not haha

Please subscribe and thanks for reading!

BTW i forgot to post this when i originally wrote it so you guys get an update sooner!

**General Notes:**Thank you so much for reading. Each favourite, each reviee, each subscription, each bookmark, I hold them all dear to me. Thank you.

On another paw, I'm hunting for a beta, so HMU if you're interested!

Discord: tunathetuba#3015

Tumblr: @tunathetuba

Ao3: @tunathetuba

Email: arts. faithe@gmail. com (remove spaces)

Wattpad: @tuna_the_tuba

Also, if you'd like a discord serfur to rant on, lemme know and I'll get one set up.


	3. Chapter One

_God, keep my head above water_

_Don't let me drown, it gets harder_

_I'll meet you there, at the altar_

_As I fall down to my knees_

_Don't let me drown, drown, drown_

\- Head Above Water by Avril Lavigne

*** * ***

Day one. Shouta wasn't there.

Hizashi ran a hand through his blond locks, staring blankly at the empty spot at the small kotatsu. The empty spot that was supposed to seat his beloved husband. Maybe if he stared hard enough, he would appear, in all his scruffy glory.

"Pa." Hitoshi's voice sounded frail, like porcelain. "He-He's not... he's not coming back."

"I know," he said hoarsely. His hands fell to his lap. "Maybe if I had co-"

"Don't go there. There's... you didn't realize. No one did."

Hizashi pushed his rice bowl away. A small gray tabby jumped up, sniffing the abandoned food. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes and he exhaled. "But I should've known when he didn't complain. He sends cat pictures a lot, you know that. He didn't today, a-and that should've set off... set off red flags!"

"You think I feel any better? I did algebra while Dad was... I was doing fucking algebra!" He could feel Hitoshi's signature glare. "Then Ectoplasm-sensei said there was an emergency. No one knew what it was. You at least got to fight those bastards. I was doing fuckin' algebra."

"Hitoshi..." He looked at his son. His hair stood like wisps of smoke, tangled much like Hizashi's own. His eyes sparked with anger and he wore the mask of grief like a second skin. He slipped off his cushion and beside his son, wrapping his thin arms around him. "We can... we can do this."

"We can try," he whispered, curling into the lanky man, burying his head into his chest.

They stayed like that for a while, sobs wracking both their bodies as they clung to each other. Hizashi's tear-stained shirt stuck to his body, but he didn't care. In those moments, he didn't care about anything but holding his son. He was never letting him go.

*** * ***

Day two.

Hizashi and Hitoshi stayed within each other's sights all day, saying nothing on the wet eyes and mussed hair. When he collapsed for the umpteenth time, Hitoshi was there with soothing hands and calming words. Well, when he didn't join him with enough tears to fill the ocean. Hizashi had never seen his son cry that much since they adopted him.

It made it hurt all the more.

Nemuri-chan invited herself over with steaming chicken pot pie, Hizashi's favorite American dish. He mumbled "Itadakimasu," hardly tasting the juicy chicken sliding down his throat.

Through broken sobs, he poured out to her. She didn't interrupt like Hitoshi, nor did she inject her own opinion. She simply listened with the food growing cold beside them. "Nemuri-chan, why?" he whispered. "Why the fuck did he have to go?"

"I don't know," she replied. Her eyes flashed. "But these villains won't see next year. I swear on my whip."

*** * ***

_The air was heavy with the stench of death. Small bodies-students' bodies-littered the ground like a grand painting of red and gray. Thirteen laid in pieces around the plaza, destroyed by her own quirk. Everyone was gone, it was only Hizashi and Shouta left._

_A beast, black and writhing and bulging with muscles, clutched his husband's faintly struggling form in its grasp. Its maw, full of jagged teeth, opened in a roar that shook the ground and chilled his bones. "Come save him." Its cruel voice wound up Hizashi's legs and spread across his body. "A second try, a second fail."_

_He stayed rooted to the ground, fear coursing through him like dark adrenaline. His heart dropped into the abyss, a thud echoing in its place._

_Its long tongue flicked like a snake that found its prey. "Oh, you can't? Pity." The horrible monster raised its arm and Hizashi could see its muscles tense, one by one, as it tightened its grip around Shouta's torso._

He bolted up in bed, sweat-drenched clothes clinging to him. Shouta's utterly terrified scream rang in his mind and he sat there, grabbing Shouta's pillow and shoving his face into it. _It was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream._

It wasn't, Shouta was still gone, and day three was much worse.

*** * ***

Day four.

The cats knew something was wrong before, but today they seemed to realize that their favorite person wasn't coming back. Shinwa went into one of her famous yowling fits, this one lasted all day. Loki meandered aimlessly around the house, the blank stare awkward on his dark and scar-littered face.

Hizashi stuffed earbuds in and stayed curled on the couch all day.

*** * ***

Day six.

A scream startled Hizashi from a not-sleep. Hitoshi.

He hurtled down the hallway, bare feet slapping on the floor, and burst into Hitoshi's room. He glared, searching for an intruder. There was none, only his son sitting ramrod straight, face pale and hands shaking. Hizashi flicked on the light and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"They came a-again." He hadn't dreamed of his last foster home in almost a year. "Worse. I-it was worse. They said...they said they were gonna ta-ake me back because...cause he's gone." He shuddered, a sob wracking his bony frame. Hizashi rubbed his back. "I screamed, I screamed and no one came to...to help. Th-they...hurt. Hurt more. Lots." The broken boy flinched violently. "Said bad...horrible things abou-about D-Dad."

Hizashi stayed there until Shinwa started her food rant.

*** * ***

Day seven.

Tensei-kun visited.

It wasn't any better.

Day eight.

He still woke up, turning in bed for good morning kisses. Then he cried himself back to a stuttering sleep for an hour. He still fell down walls, shaking with gasps and sobs when it was too hard. It happened a lot; everything reminded him of Shouta. Candid pictures hung on the wall, his toothbrush collected dust in the bathroom, a spot from a juice pack stained the hardwood floor in the kitchen.

Day twelve.

It still hurt like hell. He was still gone.

Nemuri-chan had forced Hizashi and Hitoshi to attend therapy. Her name was Nakamura Suzuki. Hizashi didn't know if it was her quirk, but soon he was vomiting words like the Problem Child that Shouta...that Shouta always told him about. As Hitoshi so kindly pointed out, he's too easily trusting.

"It's like I'm hovering with my head barely above water," Hizashi told her that day. "Sometimes, my head is clear and I... I can breathe. Other times, the water is pouring into my mouth and I can hardly breathe. It's drowning me and I can't believe he's gone and it hurts and..." he trailed off, burying his head into his slim hands. It still hurt. Shouta was still gone and he couldn't do anything about it.

Nakamura-san's soft hand rubbed soft circles into his back as he cried for the umpteenth time, murmuring softly.

*** * ***

Day fourteen.

He stared at himself in the mirror for the first time in two weeks. Was it even him? Sure didn't look like him. Did he normally wear make-up to cover heavy eye bags and blotched skin? He rubbed his forehead, sighing heavily. Today would be hard.

But he could do it.

Besides, Hitoshi was gonna be in his class. Mineta Minoru had pulled out. "I didn't sign up for dying!" he had said to Nedzu. "There are ladies in other industries." Thank god the principal didn't always act like a psychopath and slipped Hitoshi in. Not that his son didn't deserve it.

His phone went off, singing a jaunty tune. He dismissed it and sighed again. Time to face the students who watched his husband die. God help him or he was fucked.

*** * ***

**A/N:** sorry not sorry for all the angst furiends. scream at me and ill scream with you.

author shout-out to @plantsandpaints on ao3, one of my idols and author of many stories that are so amazing i cant even,

stay safe, and if you sneezed, i mean cried, during this chapter, *hugs you*

byeee!

**General Notes:**

Thank you so much for reading. Each kudo, each comment, each subscription, each bookmark, I hold them all dear to me. Thank you.

On another paw, I'm hunting for a beta, so HMU if you're interested!

Discord: tunathetuba#3015

Tumblr: @tunathetuba

Ao3: @tunathetuba

Email: arts. faithe@gmail. com (remove the spaces)

Wattpad: @tuna_the_tuba

Also, if you'd like a discord serfur to rant on, lemme know and I'll get one set up.


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